I'm Terrified

I'm terrified! There is a feeling of pure fear in my stomach... The fear of what? I think it's a culmination of things. The fear of not knowing, not seeing the way things are and should be...In my last post I discussed my utter frustrations with males and the pain of being pushed to the side all because someone isn't ready for me... Well, what about when something in you has finally given up on love and all that it has to offer... and then someone comes who is ready... ready for you... they are willing to fight and possibly lose in the battle of winning your heart. Against all odds, against your protests that you aren't ready... So how do you submit and get over the fears and the doubts...what do you do? When all you've ever dreamed of was to combine your life with another. to intergrate eachother in and start meeting eachother's family and friends...To share your moments of joy, peace and even sadness with them... But then 1 person too many screws you over and then you are FINISHED.... you are now numb and while you used to do the very things that someone is now doing for you, you can't handle it... it scares you and you are terrified of what that person might do for you... what if they begin to do the things that you have been praying and pleading for... but you can't accept it because you aren't ready? what if they are patient and kind but you just can't move away from your past in your mind? what do you? will you heal in time? or will it continue to plague your psyche until you run outta time? Look all i know is that after my last post, sumn in me snapped and now i can't even get back to where i was... i was open, ready to do and to be in a real relationship with the HE that God made for me... I was happy to get the attention from someone and I was open to allowing God to lead and guide me... Now I feel lost... Like I don't know what to do... Like I haven't a clue... Like I'm emotionally on E... There is almost nothing left inside of me... I wanna just stay to myself and not involve anyone else... I don't think that the risks are worth it anymore... I'm done: and though at times, little emotions may push through, they retract again... I can't seem to shake this spent attitude... Now i know I need time, but what about the person who has already been waiting so patiently? Allowing me to go through my ups and downs emotionally... Now its their season and i don't feel that I should proceed... This is sad and it's scaring me... I have always been able to pick up the peices and start over again... With no punishment to the newbie with which I begin something. But this time, I don't feel strong enough to begin again...I have never had this feeling before and it's so terrifying because I don't know what it means... I have to get over this... so if you're reading this, I beg of you, please pray for me... Thank you, Kene Zyporah