Kene Zyporah/Kyra's Mama

I'm Kene Zyporah, Kyra's Mama... I watch Teen Mom faithfully and I must say that I am amazed at the drama that they go through. I know how it feels to be pregnant and alone... I have never identified with any woman or mother who has had support. That person to hold their hand or go visit the Doctor's office with them... That person to rub their growing belly or speak to/connect to the growing child inside... What I had was a volitale relationship similar to Kailyn and Jo's... More disagreements than peace... More drama than anticipation... It was so traumatic for so many reasons... But there are people around me who not only had that during their pregnancy, but who had the type of father for their child that WANTED to be around... but they WONT let him... That's crazy! Pure immaturity...Pure selfishness and a desire to maintain control... But i will say that there are two sides to EVERY story and sometimes, fathers just aren't ready to become Daddies and they would be counter-productive to the health and well-being of a child...for that reason, a mother is more than justified in protecting their child from that negative individual... Unfortunately, for me I was painted this picture of what to expect when i found out that I was going to have a baby...That picture never became a reality... Sometimes, i get so angry at what my situation is now with Kyra's father... noone has ever seen him and neither has Kyra... It hurts me so much that I have to be both Mommy and daddy... and I CANT do it... I can only be what a mommy is...I try to be balanced in general but this is a whole different type of balance... I hate that things are this way. Sometimes, I'm not sure that they will ever be different... I ponder on how i am going to accomplish raising a well-mannered, happy, and fulfilled child w/out a father... and it hits me, what if i fail? What if my daughter ends up resenting me for him not being here... I love her so much and i enjoy mothering her... I just dont want to do it alone...I want another child but I can't just go have a baby...i dont have the strength to do this again... Not this way... I want to experience a preganacy the way its supposed to be experienced... not lying alone and hurting inside... not having to look into the eyes a child that looks like the best of me and their father, only to never allow that child to behold their father's face... at this point, even if I was one of those mothers who deliberatly kept my daughter from her father (as in it was my choice), i couldnt change my mind and allow them to have relationship... He is too far gone... it was never my choice for him not be involved... He has chosen to be absentee... Which makes my heart hurt all the more... i loved him...I never tried to pish him away... and yet, he is unreacheable... he doesn't care... he refuses to make any efforts... Well I just pray for myself and for my daughter... I don't know what the purpose of this is in the bigger picture of my life or my daughter's life... But i hope that God fixes this problem because it affects me very much... I just want to be happy and have a family... I hope that God gives both of us a family one day soon... Sincerly, Kene Zyporah/Kyra's Mama